IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports activities, but others think that people should have the freedom to choose sports activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's world, the sport has become one of the most concerning issues. Some individuals believe that dangerous
sports
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 should be banned by the government,
while
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 others argue that choosing
sports
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activities
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 freely is a human right. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides and give relevant reasons behind
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with,
sports
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 and exercises are an essential part of
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 which help them to improve their physical and mental health and increase their immune system. Dangerous
activities
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 can have damaging effects on
people
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's bodies and minds and cause severe consequences for human beings.
For example
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, climbing a mountain without a supporter leads to falling down and death.
Moreover
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, many children follow athletes and their
activities
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, and they would like to repeat their acts.
Therefore
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, dangerous exercises can have harmful impacts on children's behaviour and their future. Turning to the other side of the argument, being free and having the freedom
in choosing
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to choose
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 are basic human rights that all
people
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 should have.
In other words
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,
people
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 should be free to choose what they want, especially
sports
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activities
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.
For example
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, in many countries, all
sports
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activities
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 are available for
people
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 who like them, and they can choose all kinds of exercises
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 dangerous ones,
such
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 as shooting with real guns and cycling on the summit of a mountain freely. The government should educate
people
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 to choose the right thing rather than preventing them.
To sum up
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, dangerous
activities
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 are one of the most significant issues.
Although
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 some think that banning these
activities
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 is the best way, others believe that having the freedom to choose
sports
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activities
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 is a human right
and
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, and
show examples
 in my opinion,
people
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 should learn to choose things that are not harmful to their health.

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planning
Plan before you write. Make a clear statement of your view at the end of your intro and keep it in mind as you write.
cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph. Say what you will talk about in that paragraph, then give one or two ideas.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'but', 'however', 'also', 'therefore' to guide reading.
grammar
Use only easy and correct grammar. Short sentences can help. Check for mistakes like missing verbs or wrong forms.
examples
Give more precise examples that fit the topic, not very generic ideas.
vocabulary
Choose words that are easy to understand and fit the meaning. Do not repeat many times the same simple phrase.
structure
End with a clear opinion that follows from the essay's points.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a clear conclusion with a view.
language
The language is simple and easy to read he is close to IELTS band 5-6 level.
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