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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the way to cope with perpetrators. While some claim that putting offenders behind the bars is not the optimal method of dealing with them, others make a statement that
education
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 and
job
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orientation
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 are better tactics to help them. From my point of view, while the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, keeping
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
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 in captivity is not the best mean of treating them. The government should base on
criminals
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’ level of guilt in order to find appropriate treatments
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
For example
Linking Words
, the authorities ought to fine
criminals
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 who have
misdemeanors
Change the spelling
misdemeanours
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such
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 as
graffiting
Correct your spelling
graffiti
, shoplifting and pickpocketing, to name a few. Meanwhile, the governors should imprison
criminals
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 who commit alarming felonies
such
Linking Words
 as sexual assault, kidnapping and
murdering
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murder
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 so that society extremely becomes safer.
Hence
Linking Words
, keeping
criminals
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 contained is not the best effective manner to deal with them. While the ineffectiveness of keeping
criminals
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 under arrest is widely acknowledged, there are a wealth of other ways to handle
criminals
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 properly, especially
providing
Change preposition
by providing
show examples
education
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 and
job
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orientation
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.
Education
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 gives
criminals
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 a bunch of valuable perceptions of their mistakes in the old days. Meanwhile,
job
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orientation
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 provides a means of making money after they leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prison. By doing so, they will reintegrate into the community and the rate of wicked acts will exponentially deteriorate.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, there are lots of reformatories for juvenile
criminals
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. They not only give
criminals
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 a reminder of the consequences of violating the law but
also
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 help them become
job
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 holders in the handicraft, sewing and mechanic
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
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.
Therefore
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,
education
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 and
job
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orientation
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 are decent solutions to rehabilitate
criminals
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. In conclusion,
although
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 making
criminals
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 imprisoned is tremendously suitable for some types of violent acts, it is not the greatest mode to apply on a mass scale.
Instead
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,
education
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 and
job
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orientation
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 help
criminals
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 not to
reoffend
Correct your spelling
offend
 anymore.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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