IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#families #move #countries #work #people #effect #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently families relocate to oversea countries for work. Some people argue that it has a negative impact on
children
Use synonyms
, while others think it hasn't.
Although
Linking Words
, moving to work abroad, where salaries are often higher and
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 ladder is
availeable
Correct your spelling
available
, is good for increasing
life
Use synonyms
 quality, I think
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 would worsen due to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 unfamiliar environment. On the one hand, when people relocate to different countries in order to change
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 they increase their
life
Use synonyms
 quality.
In other words
Linking Words
, people are likely to have a job offer from abroad because
salary
Change preposition
of salary
show examples
 and
life
Use synonyms
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 in
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they rely on
career
Add an article
the career
show examples
 ladder.
For example
Linking Words
, in CIS countries almost every citizen dream about working abroad because they live in poor conditions. Despite these improvements, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 would be impacted negatively by moving.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
changin
Correct your spelling
changing
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 might make
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from
unknown
Correct article usage
an unknown
show examples
 environment. It means,
children
Use synonyms
obligated
Add a missing verb
are obligated
show examples
 to
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 in
motherland
Add an article
the motherland
show examples
 and go
for example
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 school or
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 where they can be
bulled
Correct your spelling
bullied
show examples
 by
classmates
Correct pronoun usage
their classmates
show examples
. It
also
Linking Words
 means that they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to not have
Add an article
a friend
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 there,
hence
Linking Words
 they would feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
. As an example, my cousin who changed
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 because his parents had
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 an offer was bullied by new classmates and felt
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
 and it has reflected on his mental health. I believe, that relocating may has
Correct article usage
a harmfull
show examples
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 impact on
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, while moving can increase the quality of
life
Use synonyms
, it may have
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: