IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is better to learn the way people lived in the past through films and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent times, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 plenty of ways to understand history. A group of
people
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 claim that written
documents
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 are more valuable
resources
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 to learn history, the opponents of
this
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 view,
however
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, argue that films and video
documents
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 are more reliable. In
this
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 paradox, I agree with the former view as written
documents
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 like
letters
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, journals, and books are more reliable
to understand
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for understanding
show examples
 past life. Learning about past
people
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 from a trustworthy resource like
handwritten
Correct article usage
a handwritten
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 document is pivotal to getting uncorrupt information,
whereas
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 films are corrupted
for getting
Change preposition
to get
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 noticed. The prime reason is that written
documents
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 are reliable to understand their culture, tradition, sense of fashion, and language. To explicate
further
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,
one
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 can easily understand how
people
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 used to communicate and what type of
letters
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 or alphabets
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 used to write in past.
Apart from
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this
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,
one
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 can learn the old fashion and type of clothes were used in the past. To cite an example, Popei city, archaeologists found
this
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 city in the early 19th century and found many ancient writings on clay pots and on the walls of their buildings. From
this
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 discovery, archaeologists understood their tradition, culture, and fashion. The above-mentioned city was destroyed by a huge volcanic eruption in Rome.
Furthermore
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, there is another pertinent reason for choosing handwritten
documents
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 because most of them are written by ancient
people
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 as
letters
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, journals,stories, and diaries. By
this
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 I mean,
from
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that
show examples
 these kinds of trustworthy
resources
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 can explain the lifestyle of past
people
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such
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 as their farming methods, food
resources
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, and way of earning income. On top of
this
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,
one
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 can understand their beliefs and
misbelieves
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misbeliefs
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.
For instance
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, Egyptian pyramids, are unique monuments with a lot of written
documents
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 on the wall and dry papyrus leaves. Archaeologists have understood their culture, tradition, and beliefs from
this
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.
Moreover
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,
one
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 can understand past mistakes in written
documents
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 to avoid the same mistakes at present. In conclusion, it is stated that written
documents
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 are more reliable
resources
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 than films or documentaries as filmed
resources
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 are manipulated or corrupted for getting positive ratings. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that written
documents
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 like
letters
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, diaries and journals are more valuable to learn uncorrupted information about the past.
Apart from
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this
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, it is a kind of gift for future generations to understand the same.

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Task Achievement
Consider strengthening your introduction by clearly stating your position regarding the agreement or disagreement with the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide readers on what the paragraph will focus on.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are elaborated on more significantly to fully illustrate your points; this can enhance the clarity of your argument.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the discovery in Pompeii and the insights gained from Egyptian pyramids, contributes positively to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of your essay with clear paragraphs for different ideas is a strong point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical events
  • visual representation
  • immerse
  • bring to life
  • accuracy
  • bias
  • limited scope
  • perspective
  • incomplete
  • superficial
  • detailed
  • reliable
  • primary sources
  • firsthand accounts
  • critical analysis
  • interpretation
  • balance
  • comprehensive understanding
  • critical thinking skills
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