IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sulgary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #sulgary #people
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The high level of sugar in many industrial products leads to a certain number of health issues. Some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that the rising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost of
this
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 outcome will help
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the adverse drawbacks.
Although
Linking Words
 I reckon that
this
Linking Words
 fact would contribute to the alleviation of the undesirable consequences, there are many other alternatives that would be more effective in terms of
contermeasures
Correct your spelling
countermeasures
. Making limitation on the accessibility of sugary products by rising its price
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to reduce some medical problems that might occur. It is obvious that, in
this
Linking Words
 context of economic hardship, if
people
Use synonyms
 need to have forked out a staggering amount of money to satisfy their consumption, they will likely try to reduce how they are going to use sugar.
As a result
Linking Words
, the less they consume
this
Linking Words
 product, the more they can keep themself healthier. The
expansivness
Correct your spelling
expansiveness
expansive
 of the production will not only make individuals in good condition but will
also
Linking Words
 incentivise
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 have a better balance diet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, beyond the measure to make costly suit food, there are many
others way
Fix the agreement mistake
other ways
show examples
 of changing the habit of a population. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, it should be included in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elementary school programs some kind of lectures that may incite
people
Use synonyms
 to be more mindful
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
Change the word
the
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 importance of alimentation.
In addition
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, the
gouvernmental
Correct your spelling
governmental
government
 authorities should
also
Linking Words
 encourage consumers to
practice
Correct your spelling
practise
show examples
 sport regularly, as they will maintain an extremely healthy condition. In conclusion, the prices that are fixed on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary products should be enough high to give
people
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 less in their daily life.
However
Linking Words
, there are other solutions more rational that can motivate to reach the same target without jumping the production cost.
Submitted by absamb on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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