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Band 5.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the arts?

#art #part #cultures #world #people #focus #science #technology #business #interest #arts
•In our modern life, science and technology are developing and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are focusing all their attention on business, science, technology,
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 devices, and
this
 is causing a decrease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest
 in
art
 which is the most important part of our culture. The main reason for
this
 is
people
's
interest
 in
earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 much money, and I think more
art viewing
Add a hyphen
art-viewing
show examples
 competitions should be organized to prevent
this
. •On the one hand, there are several reasons for the declining
interest
 in
art
 today.
First
day
 by
day
people
 are more and more interested in purchasing cars and big luxurious houses and so they are opening big businesses and companies and, in
this
 way they are able to earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money and
secondly
people
's
interest
 in technology and new devices. is increasing
day
 by
day
 and
people
 prefer to study language or other science than
art
, and
that is
 why their
interest
 in
art
,
such
 as painting or singing is
decreaseing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 dramatically and
consequently
 causing the disappearance of
art
, which is an important part of our culture. •
Nevertheless
, as a solution to increase the number of
people
 interested in
art
, the government should organize more
art
 competitions in schools in many public departments among the
people
 and introduce students to many beautiful artworks of
art
 from a young age and parents should encourage their children
attend
Add the particle
to attend
show examples
 many
art
 classes.
For example
, in my country, there are
art
 competitions twice a year, and
art
 was taught as a compulsory subject in schools, and according to statistics, the number of
people
 interested in
art
 increases by 5% every year. •In conclusion, to increase the number of
people
 who are interested in
art
, the government need to organize a lot of exhibitions of beautiful artworks. From my point of view that
this
 will cause us to support
art
, which is the most important part of our culture.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
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