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Many manufacturd food and drinks contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#manufacturd #food #drinks #levels #sugar #health #products #people
Nowadays,
people
 pay more attention to health problems . Consuming manufactured food or drinks ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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often caused sugar high,
in
Correct word choice
and in
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 the long term may cause sicknesses:diabetes mellitus or even cancer . It is controversial that sugary goods have to be pricey in order to boycott
people
 from buying them. While in my opinion, I am afraid
this
 might not truly help . Some elaborate reasons as well as my thoughts will be illustrated in the write-up. One primary reason can be discussed in the psychological aspect . Those who have the habit of consuming over-sugared products
,
Remove the comma
apply
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will ultimately neglect the price ,
by
Change preposition
apply
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,
means
Correct pronoun usage
which means
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 they can't accept life without sugar . It turns out that the businessman
are
Change the verb form
is
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 making the most profit , not the consumers .
In addition
 , it is the concept that using causes negative effects . There are multiple selections in the store , but why choose the one that will jeopardize our health quality ?
People
 should learn to face the consequences by themselves yet blame it on the products
However
 , those who claimed that the price of sugary food and beverage must be upraised to downgrade the consumption rate . While they often ignore that doing so will mislead the sales marketing , in the
end
Add the comma(s)
,end
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 if
people
 stop buying those products ,
business
Add an article
the business
a business
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 will collapse directly . By way of conclusion , it seems that the mentioned issue is a double-edged sword .
Nevertheless
 , from my perspective , maintaining good health condition overweighs the desire for sugar. Hopefully,
people
 can face
this
 potential argument.
Submitted by nanatsui on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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