IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude male or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience in 250 words.

#women #men #strengths #weaknesses #right #females #professions #gender
From the beginning of the world,
man
 and
woman
 equality
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 always been talked about in communities. Today we try to destroy the idea of “
men
 are better than
women
”. But It is hard to change some stereotypes. In history families, especially fathers, never wanted a girl child. They always thought that
men
 will be the leaders of the future. They said that
women
 are in the world to be a
man
's
slave
Fix the agreement mistake
slaves
show examples
. Today so many
people
 think like that. A
man
 can be stronger than a
woman
 but It's not always like that. A
woman
 can
also
 be stronger than a
man
.
Women
 can be smarter than
men
. I think we can’
t
 compare genders in certain professions.
Woman
Fix the agreement mistake
Women
show examples
 or
man
Add the comma(s)
,man
show examples
 they are both
people
. These days the most common problem is
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 in work life. I saw that so many companies choose
men
 over
women
 because of their gender. “
Women
 need to sit in the house and cook,do laundry,tidy,
look
Correct word choice
and look
show examples
for
Change preposition
after
show examples
 the kids.
Women
 can'
t
 do jobs.” These are some stereotypes. We saw that in some countries female students can'
t
 go to school because of their gender. It's the same for the males in different topics. “
Man
 can'
t
 do makeup or
man
 can'
t
 cook.” We put genders in certain professions which is wrong. We are all the same and we can have different special traits. We need to put
people
 in certain positions by their features.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 I think sorting
people
 by their gender is wrong. In daily life because of these
opinions
Add a comma
,opinions
show examples
 we lost so many special
men
 and
women
,
maybe
Correct word choice
and maybe
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future. We need to look at our
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 because all of us are human.
Submitted by z.pfister on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: