IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
In a few states, organisations have to accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job seekers’,  
although
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they are in young or elderly
age
 because of
rights
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
 of workers. There is no doubt that
this
 process of rules related to workers may create some major problems for
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 rank. In other
worlds
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excepting workers for companies
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early
age
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life, it may show
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 organizations, because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of experience in junior candidates.
As a result
,
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
 producing goods may
produced
Change the verb form
be produced
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a low quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standard.
For example
, the APPLE company of America only employ
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 knowledgeable people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their field by giving some difficult tasks. To be sure that recruiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people without looking
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 ages can provide some benefits for companies.
That is
 to say, many individuals can work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 factories without
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
 limit
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 kind of
workplace
Add a comma
,workplace
show examples
 only
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 be one of the most essential
element
Change to a plural noun
elements
show examples
 to
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 the business more
productive
Change the word
productively
show examples
.
For instance
, in the Japanese country people are able to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corporations for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 less amount of salary, even though
they
Correct word choice
whether they
show examples
 are young or not. To conclude,
although
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some advantage side of working without
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
 limit for corporations like more labour force,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I feel that
this
 process may create some troubles for companies
such
 as it may reduce the reputation of firms by accepting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junior or elderly
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 who has a lack of experience.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: