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Writing Samples
Band 5

The consumption of the world's resources (oil, and water etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions?

#consumption #world #resources #oil #water #rate
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In the developing world, it is undeniable that the demand for exploiting
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
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resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as oil,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 is increasing. Overconsumption,
however
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, may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to several consequences related to
natural
Replace the word
nature
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 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes of
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 including overpopulation and agricultural purpose,
as well as
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 suggest some suitable solutions for these reasons. The foremost reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 overconsumption is overpopulation.
According to
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 Worldometer, the current
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 is 7,9
billions
Change to singular
billion
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people
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 number is increasing unstoppably every
seconds
Change to a singular noun
second
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. The higher number of living
people
Use synonyms
, the higher
material
Correct article usage
the material
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 demands will be.
Due to
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 the high
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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of
Change preposition
for
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 daily materials, more factories are
builts
Correct your spelling
built
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 to exploit
resources
Use synonyms
 to produce devices and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 in order to meet
people
Use synonyms
 life quality. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, natural
resources
Use synonyms
 would be depleted since many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
resources
Correct article usage
the resources
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 are non-renewable,
such
Linking Words
 as coal, bronze, metal quarries and so on.
Hence
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, the depletion of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 will continue as long as the world population increases. Another cause that results in over-exploiting is logging.
Due to
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 the need for expanding areas for residential living or agricultural purposes, citizens and governments chop down trees and replaced
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
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 houses, residential places or
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 for production. These decisions might lead to many drastic natural disasters
such
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 as drought,
flooding
Correct word choice
and flooding
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. Even worse, the ecosystem will be unbalanced
due to
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 the lack of natural habitats.
According to
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many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 research, deforestation is the main reason that leads to flooding and heavily affects the national
economic
Replace the word
economy
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as well as
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 living quality.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 possible solution to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem is to use alternative
resources
Use synonyms
 to produce daily materials.
Instead
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 of using plastic to manufacture disposable plastic bags or plates, we can
uses
Change the verb form
use
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 decomposable or eco-friendly
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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such
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 as paper to reduce the exploitation of oil
as well as
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 plastic
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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. In terms of
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 the rate of deforestation,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can
zoning
Replace the word
zone
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residentials
Correct your spelling
residential
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 and provide legal areas just for agricultural
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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, in order to conserve natural places for living creatures.
To conclude
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, various actions can be taken to solve the problem of resource overconsumption. If
people
Use synonyms
 all around the world join
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 in using eco-friendly products and buying economically, the rate of
Use synonyms
resources
Change the noun form
resource
show examples
 consumption would be decreased.
Submitted by hungcuongdinh229 on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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