Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual‘s responsibility. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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fact that the
government
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is responsible for the fitness and academic values of
individuals
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. Many pupils believe that the population is
also
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taking
a
Remove the article
apply
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some responsibility of their own. In my, opinion the position of medical facilities and education appears to be more rational.
This
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ideology has some advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
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, in
this
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, essay we will address the positive and negative effects of
this
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trend and
thus
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will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
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explain
this
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argument but the most preponderant fact is that the population relies on the higher authorities because they spend huge wealth in the form of taxes. Another pivotal aspect is health is new wealth and education is the main reason for development.
Furthermore
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, If the
government
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is avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoids
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this
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notion, it
would be faced
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will face
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massive dilemmas for, example high rates of deaths,
and
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apply
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, and, low rates of literacy rates.
In addition
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, the article published in the eminent newspaper Hindustan Times depicts that
western
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Western
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regions namely America, Europe, and, Canada
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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responsibility for the health sector and teaching section
that's
Correct your spelling
that is
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why they have an adequate system and the deaths and literacy ratio have minute numbers.
Similarly
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, in destructive countries
such
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as India, and, china residents are living below the poverty line and they could not afford these kinds of facilities.
However
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, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
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trend.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, the most alarming one is
Individuals
Use synonyms
play a vital role in the
government
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and they should be contributing to the media sector and teaching sector owing
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of
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to
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of
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they have money, and, potential.
Besides
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, they raised wealth from massive industries
in other words
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TATA group, and, Ambani group, improved these sectors.
Additionally
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, a survey conducted by the prestigious university Oxford in London revealed that Israel has a great medical and education structure
due to
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the
government
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and
individuals
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taking equal responsibility.
To sum up
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,
according to
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the argument aforementioned above one can reach the conclusion that the perks of
government
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are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
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, the potential influence of
individuals
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in
this
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notion
would
Verb problem
can
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be not denied.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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Task Response
There is a good attempt to address the question and present arguments for both sides. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer stance on whether the government should or should not pay for health care and education.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas presented are connected, but there are some issues with coherence and cohesion, such as repetitive phrases and incomplete sentences.
Task Response
Attempts to address both sides of the argument
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion
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