IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
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Nowadays, the vast majority of
people
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use
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 mobile phones anywhere and anytime.
Although
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 most
people
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 think that these devices shouldn’t be used in areas where
people
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 spend time together, I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my reasons. Nowadays, with the developments of technologies,
smartphones
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 have various types of features and some of them might be vital for
people
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 who have health problems.
People
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use
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 their
smartphones
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 as a reminder of their health situations.
For instance
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, diabetes patients
use
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 an application which reminds them to check their blood sugar level or apply their insulin shot via notifications.
Therefore
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, they can easily track their glucose levels and injection times, resulting in them preventing possible diabetes crises.
For
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this
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 reason, the
use
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 of these devices in every location is very significant.
Moreover
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,
smartphones
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 become a new type of navigator in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
People
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 can find their way easily even if they have never been there before.
For instance
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, tourists
use
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 their phone applications as a guide when they visit new countries. They can reach their destinations without problems.
However
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, if they can’t
use
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 their mobile device
while
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 travelling, they might face many issues and the most common one is being lost, which leads to high anxiety.
Thus
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,
smartphones
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 are very beneficial for visitors too. In conclusion, there are many advantages of mobile phones in daily life and some of them can be very important for individuals. That’s why
people
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 should be able to
use
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 their devices in every place without
Add an article
a
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permit.
Submitted by jtbeyhive on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the question and presents a relevant position, but lacks depth in the analysis of the issue. Try to delve deeper into the reasons and consider addressing possible counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a good structure to the essay. However, the development of the main points could be more logically organized to enhance coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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