IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
Nowadays, the vast majority of
people
use
 mobile phones anywhere and anytime.
Although
 most
people
 think that these devices shouldn’t be used in areas where
people
 spend time together, I completely disagree with
this
 opinion. In
this
 essay, I will explain my reasons. Nowadays, with the developments of technologies,
smartphones
 have various types of features and some of them might be vital for
people
 who have health problems.
People
use
 their
smartphones
 as a reminder of their health situations.
For instance
, diabetes patients
use
 an application which reminds them to check their blood sugar level or apply their insulin shot via notifications.
Therefore
, they can easily track their glucose levels and injection times, resulting in them preventing possible diabetes crises.
For
this
 reason, the
use
 of these devices in every location is very significant.
Moreover
,
smartphones
 become a new type of navigator in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
People
 can find their way easily even if they have never been there before.
For instance
, tourists
use
 their phone applications as a guide when they visit new countries. They can reach their destinations without problems.
However
, if they can’t
use
 their mobile device
while
 travelling, they might face many issues and the most common one is being lost, which leads to high anxiety.
Thus
,
smartphones
 are very beneficial for visitors too. In conclusion, there are many advantages of mobile phones in daily life and some of them can be very important for individuals. That’s why
people
 should be able to
use
 their devices in every place without
Add an article
a
show examples
permit.
Submitted by jtbeyhive on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the question and presents a relevant position, but lacks depth in the analysis of the issue. Try to delve deeper into the reasons and consider addressing possible counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a good structure to the essay. However, the development of the main points could be more logically organized to enhance coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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