Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

In today’s world, there is a keen competition between the young and the elderly for job-seeking which can ultimately take a serious toll on individuals and governments. We will discuss the most serious crisis arising, and
also
two ways in which the solution can be improved. Arguably the gravest issue is the tremendous growth in economic struggles among the new generation
as a consequence
of unemployment.
This
can rapidly lead to mental anxiety and stress in youngsters, which eventually undermine their well-being. A
further
severe concern is eroding the number young population by reason of migration to other countries that provide job opportunities. The long-term consequent problems may include a huge drop in the workforce of population, and fewer qualified people to take care of older society. To counteract these dangers, perhaps the most effective and
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
immediate remedy would be augmenting the retirement wage in order to persuade the elderly to stay as retirees. In Sweden,
for example
, the authorities make a salary increase after an employee retires which encourages workers to retire and
created
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
vacant positions for job-seekers. Another solution may be a policy to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
welfare by offering work spots in government companies, especially for newly graduated young adults. If youngsters made sure to find an occupation without enormous effort,
this
would lessen the depression among them and future plans in foreign countries. In conclusion, the fundamental problems seem to be the financial crisis and migration of the young population. The key solution would be high income for the retired community and career possibilities for the young.
Submitted by emineknc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the given topic and presents some relevant points, but the response could be more complete and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved to provide a clearer overview of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
What to do next:
Look at other essays: