The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#population #business #economy #society

Some people believe that aged people are good at

business

, the

economy

and

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

society

While

others disagree.

Although

the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population can't follow modern

trends

, I believe that their experience, knowledge, and proficiency are keys for

business

economy

and

society

. They are not able to follow present

trends

quickly. As

Correct article usage

the

show examples

world changes every year with

launching

Correct article usage

the launching

show examples

new

Change preposition

of new

show examples

technologies, changeable differences in peoples'

pshychology

Correct your spelling

psychology

, so it makes

aged

Correct article usage

the aged

show examples

population a little bit confused and they can not get used to

this

quickly.

For instance

, the leader of

IBM

Correct article usage

the IBM

show examples

company is

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show examples

aged man with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

vast experience, but the holdings of IBM have decreased

due to

his disability of following new

trends

. Despite the fact that it is hard to maintain modern

trends

for them, my perspective is that they are irreplaceable in

business

economy

, and

society

due to

their proficiency. Aged nationality is well-educated and vast-experienced enough to lead

business

Correct article usage

a business

show examples

or to be sociable.

That is

because not only universities in the past were much

strongrer

Correct your spelling

stronger

than

now

Correct your spelling

new

show examples

ones, but

also

because they have a large

experince

Correct your spelling

experience

within

lives

Correct pronoun usage

their lives

show examples

. Take

for example

Microsofts'

creater

Correct your spelling

creator

Bill Gates, who is now almost 70 years old, and his company which is on the top. If we hadn't

such

experinced

Correct your spelling

experienced

and proficient identities on our planet, the development would stop.

Therefore

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that

this

group of people is essential for

business

economy

Correct article usage

the economy

show examples

, and

society

. In conclusion,

aged

Correct article usage

the aged

show examples

population can't follow modern

trends

such

cases, I,

however

, consider that they are parents for

business

economy

Correct article usage

the economy

show examples

and

society

Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on Thu Jan 26 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Pollution and other environmental damages are caused by a country developing and becoming richer. This problem cannot be avoided. To what extent do you agree?