IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the number of
fast-
Add an article
the fast-food
show examples
food
outlet
Change to a plural noun
outlets
show examples
 has widely spread throughout the world and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several cases,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens prefer consuming
junk-
Correct your spelling
junk food
show examples
food
 to classic cuisine. I sit on the fence about
this
 kind of issue, since there are numerous benefits,
although
 some drawbacks still need to be considered. Having
bunch
Correct article usage
a bunch
show examples
 of
food
 stores might simplify and
saving
Change the verb form
save
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
time
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
. No doubt that preparing meal was become one of the complex activities, especially for office workers
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
downtown.
Fast-
Correct your spelling
Fast food
show examples
food
, which can
be serve
Change the verb form
be served
show examples
 without taking
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 to finish, could become one of the solutions.
Furthermore
, choosing it
instead
 of traditional
food
 will save
time
 either for serving
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 consuming. Junk
food
such
 as burgers or fried
chickens
Fix the agreement mistake
chicken
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 designed to be eaten easily,
hence
 will helpfully save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
.
On the other hand
, over-consuming fast
food
 will lead
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 several unhealing
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 in long term,
such
 as cancer or obesity.
Lengthy
Add an article
The lengthy
A lengthy
show examples
 process of making fried fries,
for example
, made
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 harmful content for people who
consume
Correct pronoun usage
themconsume
show examples
.
Additional
Add an article
An additional
The additional
show examples
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 which
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 the substance more durable
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 had
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 spreading potential sickness. Equally important, replacing traditional cuisine will bring the negligence of heritage. Especially for young people, who prefer
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
Add an article
a burger
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 to
home-made
Add an article
a home-made
the home-made
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, if
this
 cycle happened continually, it might affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
food
’s existence in the future.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several
city
Change to a plural noun
cities
show examples
 in Indonesia has lost
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 local
food
due to
this
 kind of issue. All in all, fast
food
 are sure
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
 benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent,
such
 as
Add a missing verb
being practical
show examples
practical
Replace the word
practicality
show examples
 to
serve
Replace the word
service
show examples
 and
efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
 in
time
 usage,
however
 too much
relying
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 on it will emerge numerous drawbacks, like health issues and
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 loss.
Submitted by fransprisyafada on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: