IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society.

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
The major contributing factor to
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 related diseases, typified by diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease, is often obesity.
Therefore
, we have to think about losing surplus
weight
. When I was watching TV the other day, I found a program which tried to introduce a
way
 to cook low-calorie dishes. It showed
food
images
 for a full hour.
Then
 they let 3 overweight guests eat 3 full servings of
curry-rice
Correct your spelling
curry rice
show examples
 (
Japanese style
Add a hyphen
Japanese-style
show examples
 curry with rice). The dishes were made with lower calories than normal but that “tasting”
totaled
Change the spelling
totalled
show examples
1,800 kcal. If you have a chance to visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
America, in which many people are struggling to lose excess
weight
, try watching TV. You will find it is filled with
food
 commercials and medicines that are supposed to help you lose fat.
However
, the best
way
 to lose
weight
 is not by eating
low calorie
Add a hyphen
low-calorie
show examples
food
, but by reducing the amount of
food
 you eat. It is really difficult to reduce your meal portion sizes
while
 surrounded by actual
food
 or
images
 of
food
 on TV-- unless you have an
unbe￾lievably
Correct your spelling
unbelievably
show examples
 strong will. So, it is very important to keep away from
this
 toxic
food
environment
.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 avoiding
food
 advertising
images
 is still not enough. Because if you
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to lose
weight
, changing your physical
environment
is not be
Change the verb form
is not
show examples
 enough. What is most important is to keep your mental
environment
 free of unhealthy
food
images
.
This
 is important for all of us. We have to find a
way
 to shift our mental focus from
food
 to healthier foci
such
 as sports, reading or music. Perhaps
instead
 of calling them “
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 related diseases” we should Lifestyle Diseases call them “
thought related
Add a hyphen
thought-related
show examples
 diseases”, for thought and emotion are the true root causes of these diseases. If we are always worried and anxious we may eat as an outlet for these feelings. If we constantly think of failure and problems, we may eat as a
way
 to distract ourselves from these thoughts.
Therefore
, it is our negative thoughts and emotions, and our
inappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
show examples
way
 of dealing with them,
that is
 the true cause of obesity and “
lifestyle related
Add a hyphen
lifestyle-related
show examples
 diseases”. So our challenge is to shift our thoughts and emotions-- and to
handle
Correct your spelling
handle
show examples
 the negative ones in a better
way
.
This
 is the best
way
 to lose
weight
 and gain health. We can enjoy the satisfaction of finishing a really fat book. We can enjoy the achievement of passing a difficult exam. We can enjoy the exertion and effort of sports. Of course, we can enumerate many more positive pursuits. The point is,
changing
Correct your spelling
changing
show examples
 our mental focus is the key. There are many ways to cultivate a healthy mental
environment
. We don’t even have to wait. Today, or tomorrow, we can start to think in a different
way
Submitted by zabdo9739 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • promotion
  • opportunities
  • role models
  • lucrative
  • employment
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal norms
  • access to information
  • technological stagnation
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • innovation
  • healthcare sector
  • workforce
  • global competitiveness
  • advancements
  • economic growth
  • public health services
  • environmental sciences
  • combat climate change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: