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Band 5.5

It is the government's responsibility to provide financial support to old people after they retire or individuals should save money for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#government #responsibility #support #people #individuals #money
It's crucial to take adventures in one's life period, no matter it's to get
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 promotion or
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
terms of
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 life experience. I believe that even though sometimes the result turns
to
Change preposition
out to
show examples
 be bad, the benefits can be great as doing so. There indeed are some disadvantages related to
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
risks
.
For example
, when somebody quits his job and tries to start entrepreneurship, he may lose his accumulated fortune if his business failed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. The negative outcomes of adventures may cause mass both in their career and personal lives.
However
, I still argue that people will
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 more from movements filled with
risks
.
Firstly
, high
risks
 are always companied
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 high profits and can sometimes mean a real revolution in one's life. It's a chance for people to take a forward step from their used living routine and to dive
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
truly
Replace the word
true
show examples
 potential.
Secondly
, people tend to be more self-motivated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
circumstances of risk. They made the steps
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 own and noticed what will face if they failed,
thus
 they will perform in a more efficient and time-saving way to make the most of their intelligence and resources. An example can be made using my own experience: it's the time when I decided to apply for a foreign PhD that I realized how
self-discipline
Replace the word
self-disciplined
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 I could be, and how well-organized
paper
Correct article usage
a paper
show examples
 I could conduct. Even though there is a risk of losing
current
Correct pronoun usage
my current
show examples
 job
while
 failing in
application
Correct article usage
the application
show examples
,
this
 step opens a
total
Change the adjective
totally
show examples
 new world for me. In conclusion,
although
 taking
risks
sometimes
Add a missing verb
is sometimes
show examples
 associated with
disastrous
Add an article
a disastrous
the disastrous
show examples
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
, the
overall
 benefits are absolutely worthy.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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