IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people tend to watch foreign movies, so the local government should encourage the development of local film industry. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #movies #government #development #film #industry
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Most
people
Use synonyms
 are
being
Verb problem
apply
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familiar
to watch
Change preposition
with watching
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 foreign films with the
growing
Replace the word
growth
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of
Change preposition
apply
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technology and the local council should
give
Verb problem
make
show examples
an
Change the article
the
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 effort to develop local
film
Use synonyms
 commerce. I will explain both the good and bad effects in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Day by day
people
Use synonyms
 can reach foreign cinemas much easier than before.
This
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occurs
Verb problem
has
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 some beneficial effects on the community.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 start to know about other countries'
film
Use synonyms
 types or
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 familiar with the actors or actresses.
In addition
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, even humans can make language practice even with subtitles.
On the other hand
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, with the growing interest in foreign movies
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 give enough attention to local movies and
this
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 can cause problems in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term.
For example
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, most of the society in the movie is getting a salary ,
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however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 if the industry doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 receive enough support from the state, they might be fired and lose their jobs.
Besides
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 that good shows are shown on global platforms and
this
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 is fairly beneficial for the country. If the authority doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 support the local business, any movie can'
t
Use synonyms
 be on stage. The government can give
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
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 to the
Use synonyms
film-makers
Correct your spelling
filmmakers
show examples
 to use different places or to find different ways how to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to watch local productions. It can be a discount for features or they can give promotions. In conclusion, the
film
Use synonyms
 industry is important for countries in 2 ways. One of them is about salary and the other is about being well-known. Because of ,
this
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 the government should give enough support and attention to the local
film
Use synonyms
 industry.
Submitted by zafer.kalkan on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative effects of the increasing popularity of foreign films and the importance of supporting the local film industry. However, to improve task response, try to clearly state your opinion on whether the local government should encourage the development of the local film industry.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion by presenting ideas in a logical order and using appropriate transition words. To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and connects smoothly to the next.
task response
Clear explanation of the positive and negative effects of the growing interest in foreign films
coherence and cohesion
Effective use of transition words to connect ideas throughout the essay
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