Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

It is undeniable that
money
is very essential in
people
of life. Some
people
suggest that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big income is important for
Correct article usage
the selection
show examples
selection
Replace the word
selecting
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
job
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
suggest
otherwise
. After
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
thorough consideration, I believe that the most common reason is comfortable for spend of
money
nowadays and after
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
.
This
issue will be examined in the following essay.
First
Add a comma
,First
show examples
all of, the
job
market is very
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
, important
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
will receive
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
much more than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.
Careers
Change preposition
In careers
show examples
such
as information technology that there is
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
to solve
Add an article
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
of
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
in each company. Selection
Change preposition
of the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
big
salary
is very important for existence because we can’t estimate
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
certainly whether it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase or decrease, when
product
Correct article usage
the product
show examples
price raise, we will
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
save
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
easy than
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another job
other jobs
show examples
job
.
On the other hand
, if
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
big income makes us unhappy, it will affect
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
show examples
of working, until want to leave from
job
.
For example
, co-workers don’t participate in working and accuse us
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
things
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
not true.
However
,
money
will be
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
factor for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
but if
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
of working is bad, we should leave from
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
for better
mantal
Correct your spelling
mental
health.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction will make us
progress
Add an article
the progress
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
working fast than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
because
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
environment can encourage diligence to work.
Administration
Correct article usage
The administration
show examples
of
government
can affect to specify
rate
Add an article
the rate
a rate
show examples
of
salary
, by career be paid attention to, they will give helpfulness extremely.
For example
, Doctor can heal a lot of
people
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
saw to the benefits of
this
job
and offer to help
since
Change preposition
with
show examples
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
and increase
salary
Change preposition
in salary
show examples
. I
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
that
government
should pay attention
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
career equally because
people
will be able to choose a profession that they like rather
choose
Correct word choice
than choose
show examples
a profession that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not like but more
salary
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is more
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
for choosing
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
salary
to be lived conveniently in
emergency
Add an article
an emergency
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Government
should regard the importance of all careers should be equality to choose the
job
that we like, not choose from amount of
money
.
Submitted by nakassorn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: