In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achivement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies.Others believe that high levels of personal achivement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. Discuss both sides and gave your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To be successful, one should put their constant
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
and skill and at the same time
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society should offer an optimistic environment.There are people who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
that success can be achieved
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
an egalitarian society, but another group argue that success is the byproduct of personal skills and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
This
essay will analyse both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and I personally believe that a person can be successful only if
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
are free to succeed or fail
according to
their individual merits. On one hand, people are claiming that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Equality can provide equal
opportunities
to individuals which can
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
them
opportunities
to try out something new or out of their comfort zone.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
through
opportunities
Add a comma
,opportunities
show examples
people can show their talent without much effort of getting chances. They do not have to wait for a
longtime
Correct your spelling
long time
show examples
for getting
opportunities
.
For example
, in
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
there are kids who will be talented in many ways but it is not necessary that they might get the chances equally
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.So if we have an egalitarian system we can assure that all students have got the chances equally.
On the other hand
, some population opines that personal
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
are only possible
according to
individual skills and talent. If a person is highly talented in something they can reach the top most.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
if an individual is really passionate
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
something and if they have the confidence and skill they will achieve it. For all
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
they need the freedom to do the same.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
egalitarian society opens a great way of
opportunities
which can be used by everyone. And in my personal
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
I believe that individual effort and skill are the way to higher
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
Submitted by jessgeorge97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: