IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impact of playing computer games what can be done to minimize the bed effect?

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games #impact #effect
In connection
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 wide spreading computers on people, a lot of kids join
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
computer
 games. In fact, it brings
set
Correct article usage
a set
show examples
 of issues in
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 areas of
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 life. Two of the most relevant
problems
 are jeopardy for their both
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 health and ability to social adaptation. The aim of
this
 essay is to
exemine
Correct your spelling
examine
 factors that led to
thes
Correct your spelling
these
the
problems
 and propose some
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 methods to deal
with
Correct pronoun usage
themwith
show examples
. It is well-known fact that
stucking
Correct your spelling
stocking
 behind the
computer
 without
time
 control by
adulescence
Correct your spelling
adolescence
 and lack of periodical rest leads to
drastic
Correct article usage
a drastic
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 eye
muscles
Fix the agreement mistake
muscle
show examples
tention
Correct your spelling
tension
. As a
relult
Correct your spelling
result
 eyes are most tired and vision
dramatic
Change the word
dramatically
show examples
 declines.
In addition
 to
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 issues arise the
enother
Correct your spelling
another
other
 one. It is problem caused by
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 of
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 and sometimes even
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
show examples
 of
meettings
Correct your spelling
meetings
meeting
 with people. For the minor who stucks behind
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
through
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several days without pauses is very difficult and scared to come back into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
Such
condition
Correct article usage
a condition
show examples
 is dangerous
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
 lasting by transforming
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 depression and in conclusion causing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant drop in social skills. Modern
scienc
Correct your spelling
science
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 medicine and
psicology
Correct your spelling
psychology
 provides parents
Change preposition
with usefull
show examples
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to solve noticed
problems
.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 method for saving vision says that it is necessary to make some
sheldue
Correct your spelling
schedule
 or outline leads to
periodical
Add an article
the periodical
show examples
 in playing and resting through the day.
Actualy
Correct your spelling
Actually
, the
time
 limit for gaming per day
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
needs to be too. It is
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
recomendation
Correct your spelling
recommendation
,
provides
Correct word choice
and provides
show examples
 vision safety.
Psycologists
Correct your spelling
Psychologists
 asked parents to catch
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens’ attention to
outdor
Correct your spelling
outdoor
 activities more to pulling their children from gadgets. In conclusion, it is necessary to say that It is very simple and hard at the same
time
 to solve
problems
 revolving around
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
 of
cut-adge
Correct your spelling
cut-edge
tecnolodges
Correct your spelling
technologies
. But people who hope to
hapy
Correct your spelling
happy
 and healthy future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their child
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should win in tackling with
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for
childrens’
Change noun form
children’s
show examples
 attention.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: