IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that having an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 is more important than earning a lot of
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and believes that a good salary will ensure a better
life
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay  completely agrees with the concept that an enjoyable
job
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 is more important than earning a handsome amount of
money
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 because
one
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 who loves to do his
job
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 will do better than a
person
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 who does not
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
 his
job
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. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
one
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 can not lead a good
life
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 without a
job
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. 
One
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 who has a
job
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 is able to provide all the basic needs of his family.
However
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, it is more important to have an enjoyable
job
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 rather than earn a lot of
money
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. If a
person
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 does not love his
job
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 he will not be able to continue that work because after a certain period of
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 he will feel bored. People should pursue jobs which give them satisfaction.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a
person
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 pursues  a
job
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 from which he barely gets satisfaction, he will not be able to perform which will eventually lead him to failure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
one
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 who has a good salary will surely be able to provide all the necessary things
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his family.
However
Linking Words
, if he does not love his
job
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, he will be demotivated which will affect him mentally. To live a better
life
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one
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 has to meet all the basic demands for which a certain amount of
money
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 is required. After meeting his requirement, the extra
money
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 he will earn will add no value to his
life
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. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
having  an enjoyable
job
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 is  more important.
For example
Linking Words
, a rich man who does not love his
job
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 will not be happy more than the
person
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 who loves his
job
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. All in all , having an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 will help a
person
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 to be motivated all the time
besides
Linking Words
 giving him mental satisfaction.
As a result
Linking Words
,  people should pursue the
job
Use synonyms
 they like to do.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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