IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smart phones and other similar electronic gadgets have reduced the contact between friends. Discuss how far you agree with this statement.

Today, many advanced mobile devices have been introduced
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 have a significant negative impact on friendship. The fact is that
this
Linking Words
 invention has reduced the number of meetups because there is more activity to perform on these.
However
Linking Words
, I hold the view that the invention of these
android
Fix capitalization
Android
show examples
 and
apple
Fix capitalization
Apple
show examples
 devices made it
more quick
Wrong verb form
quicker
show examples
 and
easy
Replace the word
easier
show examples
 for companions to communicate frequently. Anyway, I will discuss both views in detail. On the one hand, people have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
too many engagements on cordless endpoints
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 keep them busy.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 time to reach frequently
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, the internet on the endpoints made the reading
stuff
Check wording
material
show examples
 easily accessible
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in
return
Check wording
turn
show examples
 reduces the need for meetings.
For Instance
Linking Words
, in the era of the previous generation,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students used to perform group study to secure good marks. Nowadays, the said activity has been replaced by the exchange of notes and study material on WhatsApp and emails.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, no one can deny the importance of
this
Linking Words
 portable invention because of its quick and easy contact feature. Any person can be promptly reached, even
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if the other person doesn't have any mode of travel or is stuck somewhere that he can't travel to someone.
For example
Linking Words
, I want to discuss the case of my friend, Tooba. She
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
 an accident
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year, and she was taken to the
hospital
Punctuation problem
hospital,
show examples
 where she needed blood urgently. She called me
or
Use the right word
on
show examples
 my cordless device, and I reached the hospital at the same time to save her life. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, these technologies have made the reach so frequent and easy.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these endpoints have
declined
Verb problem
decreased
show examples
 the need for contact between two people,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
still it has
Correct word order
it has still
show examples
 made the world
closure
Replace the word
closer
show examples
 and more easily accessible.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task management
Make your view clear in the start and repeat it in the end of the essay.
content
Give each idea a clear reason and keep it linked to your view.
grammar
Use short, clean sentences. Check long lines that may be hard to read.
editing
Fix small errors: For example, 'For instance' and 'In other words' should be written with the right capitals and spellings.
lexical
Use simple words to describe tools, like 'phones', 'apps', 'messages' instead of 'cordless endpoints'.
content
Give stronger, real examples that fit the point you make.
cohesion
Put more linking words to join ideas, like 'however', 'in addition', 'as a result'.
structure
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
cohesion
Uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.
scope
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: