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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with, What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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Toys
Use synonyms
, nowadays, became an integral part of childhood. As children grow and develop,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of playthings
such
Linking Words
 as assisting to educate
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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,
raise
Correct word choice
and raise
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kid
Add an article
the kid
show examples
 as intelligent, inquisitive and clever. Despite that, improperly selected child
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 may lead to aggression,
problems
Correct word choice
and problems
show examples
 with focus and can cause serious health issues. One of the major perks for
Correct article usage
a baby
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baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
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 to own a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
 - what makes their life entertaining, it is one of the best ways to provide them
great
Change preposition
with great
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, memorable childhood experiences. Great number
Use synonyms
toys
Change preposition
of toys
show examples
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 kid lifestyle more diverse,
enjoyable
Correct word choice
and enjoyable
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 that results later
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their whole journey.
First
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The first
show examples
 priority for every parent consists on
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 their children’s earliest memories wonderful-beside that
toys
Use synonyms
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 it possible to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge,
learning
Correct word choice
and learning
show examples
 physically and mentally. Dolls for girls become a model to be emulated,
while
Linking Words
 cars, robots and heroes grow boys
as
Change preposition
into
show examples
 masculine, courageous creatures.
However
Linking Words
, in
outer
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an outer
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generation
Add a comma
,generation
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 it is a widely held view that incorrectly chosen plaything including
murder
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the murder
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weapon
Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
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, war potential and excessive use of it
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 children.
Games
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 with rigid elements become the reason why
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
an overall
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 majority of babies are rising with
Add an article
a misconception
the misconception
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misconception
Fix the agreement mistake
misconceptions
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 of
world
Correct article usage
the world
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. Violence against innocent people might get something normalised, which is entirely wrong. Worthless
toys
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as large puffy
toys
Use synonyms
,
teething
Correct word choice
and teething
show examples
 rings provide serious
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 damage,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both cases:physical and emotional. In conclusion, there are plenty
advantages
Change preposition
of advantages
show examples
 for
Add an article
a kid
the kid
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 getting a considerable number of
games
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 our planet it is unaccustomed for
Add an article
a family
the family
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 with babies to lack
toys
Use synonyms
,
custody
Correct word choice
and custody
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too
Change preposition
of too
show examples
 much will be lost
as a result
Linking Words
 of limiting the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rizamaliqyzy on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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