IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is believed that women are more suited to child-rearing than men. What is your opinion on this issue?

#women #men
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For a long
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 there has been a debate that
children
 can be taken
care
better
Change preposition
of better
show examples
 by
women
 than
men
. I agree with
this
 argument that
women
 are better
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 child-rearing than
men
. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will discuss reasons and examples for the same. To embark
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 carries her child for more than nine months and gives birth to a baby,
this
 itself shows how
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
important
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 role
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 taking
care
 of
children
. Even after giving birth to
Add an article
a baby
the baby
show examples
baby
Add a comma
,baby
show examples
 she does not stop caring for the baby she feeds milk, changes diapers takes
care
 of every possible thing that
children
 is needed.
While
men
also
looks
Change the verb form
look
show examples
 after the
children
 but they are mostly occupied with their occupation and other activities.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
men
 cannot be as careful as
women
 can be when it comes to taking
care
 of
children
.
Women
 can easily understand
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 needs like when they will be hungry, happy or even sad.
Women
 have high emotional intelligence compared to
men
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them easily connect to
children
 far better than
men
. Even if we see most
children
 are highly affectionate towards their mother than
father
Correct pronoun usage
their father
show examples
,
this
 shows how much better
mother-child
Correct article usage
the mother-child
show examples
 bond
compared
Add a missing verb
is compared
show examples
 to
father-child
Correct article usage
the father-child
show examples
 bond. Even if we go to any child day
care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 anywhere in the world usually they employ only
women
 because they are far better than
men
 when it comes to child-rearing.
Women
 have more patience compared to
men
 when it comes to handling
children
 ie., even if kids are not listening and playing around
women
 can handle them well, than
men
 can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 we have seen various reasons why
women
 are far better than
men
 when it comes to child-rearing
Submitted by Phaneendra on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • child-rearing
  • caregiver
  • social constructs
  • nurturing
  • gender roles
  • stereotypes
  • paternity leave
  • co-parenting
  • development
  • economic pressures
  • primary caregiver
  • gender biases
  • fluidity of roles
  • societal norms
  • inherent differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: