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Band 4

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society?

#countries #respect #people #society
Nowadays, in some states,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
 do not receive the quantity of respect they deserve. Is common to see that young
people
 tend to ignore the fact that elderly
people
 have the most
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
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 and need the most
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
. To my mind, a cause of
this
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 respect is the recent progress of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology which put the young population to look only at the screen of their smartphones and to hear only the music in their headphones.
As a result
, any subject will probably
appears
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appear
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 selfish and careless.
For instance
, it is not rare
get
Add the particle
to get
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 on a bass or
in
Change preposition
on
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 a train and see that seats are all taken by
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 looking at their electronic devices because of which they do not notice the presence of older
people
stend
Correct your spelling
stand
 up in front of them. Obviously, the seat should be taken by the oldest...
This
 few interest in other harms to the whole society. In fact, seniors should be protected by everyone and invited
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to take part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all social activities. Just because they spend a lot of years
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 Earth they could teach us life lessons and give historical information that you cannot find in books. If we think about the second and
the
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apply
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second world war and the Shoah, our grandparents probably live that period in person. It could be great to give them the possibility to tell
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the story and how was the
live
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life
show examples
 during a
human's
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human
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 disaster. Listening to
this
 history could teach to the
theenagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 how much
lucky
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luck
show examples
 they are and
to
Change the verb form
apply
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be
greateful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 every day to be
freedom
Replace the word
free
show examples
.
Submitted by miryam.i.dedea on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social structures
  • nuclear families
  • extended family
  • intergenerational respect
  • dual-income households
  • technological advancements
  • perception
  • value shifts
  • vigor
  • innovation
  • increased mobility
  • neglected
  • mental health
  • generational divide
  • misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • social fabric
  • healthcare strain
  • inadequate care
  • quality of life
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