the chart below shows the total number of mintues in billion of telephone calls in the UK divided into three categories
The bar graph gives
the
information about the average minute of Correct article usage
apply
Britain’
telephone calls in three kindsChange noun form
Britain’s
as
: Local , national and international Change preposition
apply
as well as
mobiles
from 1995 to 2002
Overall
, it is obvious that while
the number of times of both national – international and mobiles
tend
to increase during the periods , that of local witness a Change the verb form
tends
fluctuate
trend
Starting at around 38 and 3 billion mins in 1995 , the time consumption of national calls and Replace the word
fluctuating
mobiles
continued to fly remarkably year by year . In the last
period , the number of both reached the highest points was over 60 billion minutes of calls from abroad and the number of times for mobiles
was about 45 billions
Change to singular
billion
Lastly
, the year 1995 saw the well beginning of telephone calls from local
Add an article
a local
resident
, which stood at 72 billion mins . Fix the agreement mistake
residents
This
ratio jumped in next
four years and got 90 Correct article usage
the next
billions
Change to singular
billion
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
was
the highest Change the verb form
were
in
Change preposition
of
3
types . Unfortunately , the Correct article usage
the 3
last
3 years experienced a significant decline and returned the
starting point in 2002 .Change preposition
to the
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mobiles with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼