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Band 4

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
In
this
 sophisticated world, more and more young ones tend towards renowned personalities
due to
 their name and fame. In
this
 day and age,
celebrities
 have become more eminent among
adults
 owing to their lucrative living standards
as well as
 their stunning looks rather than their victories which they gain
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 determination and hard work. The upcoming will highlight that
this
certainly
Add a missing verb
is certainly
show examples
 not a rational approach that not needs to have opted
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
 At the outset, famous personalities always like to maintain their look and
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
 as fit as fiddle to themselves.
Due to
this
, the youth
generation
 likes to follow these
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
show examples
 dressing
sense
Fix the agreement mistake
senses
show examples
 like costumes and living standards which automatically put detrimental effects on today’s
generation
. Apart from it, when young ones follow renowned
celebrities
 as role models
then
 they adapt their culture and forget about their own culture and traditions which puts
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
 impact on
adults
.
Consequently
, the whole family relations get disturbed. To cite an example, Nita Ambani
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
runs their own business
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a non-government organization and social worker. She always wears expensive
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
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, shoes, and
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
. That’s why the modern
generation
 gets easily influenced by her. On the flip side, there are some
celebrities
 who can be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
optimistic role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for young
adults
. If teenagers follow those
celebrities
 who become imminent with hard work and determination
then
 it can change their mindset towards their careers and goals. To illustrate,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Dhoni who was a renowned celebrity of the Indian cricket team has had
this
 status
due to
 his dedication and
lots of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
courage.
Therefore
, today’s
generation
 should follow
this
 spirit for accomplishing its goals. To recapitulate, famous personalities put positive
as well as
 negative impacts on
adults
. Indeed, wealth and glamour are not much important as the achievements of a person.
Therefore
, the young
generation
 should adopt positive things for a dazzling future.
Submitted by rizwanmohammad615 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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