IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently bought a piece of computer equipment but it was broken. You work at home and you need this equipment for your work. Write a letter to the shop manager. In this letter: • describe the problem with the equipment • explain how this problem is affecting your work • say what you would like the shop to do

To Shop Manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to ask for a service. A
laptop
Use synonyms
 is essential for me to
work
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 its keyboard is not working properly.
Moreover
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, when opening certain folders and files
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 screen is flashing. I reckon it is affected by some virus as well.
This
Linking Words
 issue came up ,especially when a downloaded file is opened.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
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 the
laptop
Use synonyms
 is slow and extremely difficult to operate. In order to continue my pending
work
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, since it involves a lot of typing and editing
work
Use synonyms
, the keyboard has to be fixed as soon as possible.
In addition
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, the downloading issue can be postponed to tomorrow because I can send emails and download files on my desktop. To emphasise the typing trouble, I have to submit some
work
Use synonyms
 urgently that can be done on that particular software. I would appreciate it if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 come and collect the product from my house and deliver the repaired
laptop
Use synonyms
 within the evening. I hope
this
Linking Words
 can be done, since
this
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 facility is available in your store. If the shop could not repair the
laptop
Use synonyms
within
Change preposition
by
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 tonight. Please send me a substitute
lap
Use the right word
laptop
show examples
 with the required software. The payments can be done online at your convenience.In anticipation of a fast response. Thank you Yours faithfully, Amrutha Sanal

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structuring
Split the text into clear parts: intro, problem, impact, action you ask for, and closing.
organization
Use one idea per paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and spell; fix words like 'laptop', 'emphasise', and avoid 'lap'.
content
Be clear on what you want the shop to do, for example repair or replace, collection and delivery, and payment method.
tone
Keep a polite and formal tone throughout.
style
Use short, simple sentences to make the letter easy to read.
content
Clear aim to ask for repair or replacement.
tone
Polite tone and respect.
impact
States how work is affected.
action
Suggests concrete actions.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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