The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The given graph gives the proportion of Australian who is male or female
in
unsimilar ages , relating to what people used to practice for physical health in 2010.
Change preposition
of
Overall
, it is clear that
while
the ratio of women doing activity
from 25 years old tended to Add an article
an activity
more
than Add a missing verb
be more
this
of men , residents who was
girls under 25 wasn’t as same as
Change the verb form
were
According to
the obvious bar chart , the percentage women
in Change preposition
of women
45
-55 Correct article usage
the 45
age
group was the highest with 53,3 percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
practiced
and Change the spelling
practised
more
approximately 10% than Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
information of male
. Meanwhile , different Fix the agreement mistake
males
age
groups witnessed the
better numbers than these in men , exceptionally 15 to 24 ages . And the lowest Correct article usage
apply
percent
happened in the amount of male Replace the word
percentage
resident
after 34 and before 45 with only 39.5% .
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
Lastly
, unlike those proportions which was
more than 25 years , in the Change the verb form
were
age
group around 15 to 24 ages , 52,8% did physical activity was men and it became the highest in 6 age
kinds of male . In female
, Fix the agreement mistake
females
Add an article
the viewer
a viewer
viewer
can easily see that the number stood at 47.7 Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
percents
Correct your spelling
per cent
that
was the second lowest Correct pronoun usage
which
in
Change preposition
of
6
types .Correct article usage
the 6
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼