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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
The given graph gives the proportion of Australian who is male or female
in
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of
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 unsimilar ages , relating to what people used to practice for physical health in 2010.
Overall
 ,
it is clear that
while
 the ratio of women doing
activity
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an activity
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 from 25 years old tended to
more
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be more
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 than
this
 of men , residents who
was
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were
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 girls under 25 wasn’t as same as
According to
 the obvious bar chart , the percentage
women
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of women
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 in
45
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the 45
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-55
age
 group was the highest with 53,3
percents
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percent
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practiced
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practised
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 and
more
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apply
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approximately 10% than
this
 information of
male
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males
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. Meanwhile , different
age
 groups witnessed
the
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apply
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better numbers than these in men , exceptionally 15 to 24 ages . And the lowest
percent
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percentage
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 happened in the amount of male
resident
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residents
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 after 34 and before 45 with only 39.5% .
Lastly
 , unlike those proportions which
was
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were
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 more than 25 years , in the
age
 group around 15 to 24 ages , 52,8% did physical activity was men and it became the highest in 6
age
 kinds of male . In
female
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females
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,
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the viewer
a viewer
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viewer
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viewers
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 can easily see that the number stood at 47.7
percents
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per cent
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that
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which
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 was the second lowest
in
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of
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6
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the 6
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types .
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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