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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms).

The graph shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms).
#patterns #access #technology #homes #uk #percentage #terms
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The line graph illustrates information about provides of
technologys
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technologies
technology
 like CD and
DVD
Use synonyms
player
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players
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, mobile
phone
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phones
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 and internet connection in homes in Great Britain, over a period of 14 years from 1994 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that provides of CD players in homes from the first year went up till
exatly
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exactly
moment
Correct article usage
the moment
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,
howeve
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however
,
DVD
Use synonyms
 players and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 by far increased.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
pattern
Add an article
the pattern
a pattern
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 of access
of
Change preposition
to
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 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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undergone
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has undergone
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 huge changes, like a rise and a fall. In 1994 and 1995 provides of CD players was around
a
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apply
show examples
45
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, only 1 year later in 1996 mobile
petterns
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patterns
pattern
 of access’s percentage reached approximately 18
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
DVD
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 since 2002 had a rapid
surgue
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surge
surged
 to almost 80
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and continued with gradually increase to more 85
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
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 Between
years
Correct article usage
the years
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 2005 and
2006
Add a comma
,2006
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 the number of
DVD
Use synonyms
 player users exceeded to amount of houses owning
of
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apply
show examples
mobile phones and reached around 80,
then
Linking Words
number
Add an article
the number
a number
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 of mobile users was steady till the end of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dvd, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • ubiquitous computing
  • smart home devices
  • telecommunication
  • multi-purpose gadgets
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • obsolete
  • trend analysis
  • consumer electronics
  • statistical data
  • percentile growth
  • demographics
  • chart interpretation
  • gadgets
  • integration
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