IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion

#people #museums #places #purpose
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Museum
Correct article usage
A museum
show examples
 is built to deliver knowledge and information,
however
Linking Words
, it is argued that it should be entertaining or educational. In my opinion, it might need both of them. On the one hand, if the main purpose is bringing entertainment to visitors, it needs to create joy and pleasure to attract them. It could be for kids or adolescents, who are easily getting bored with words and silence. Their attention mainly
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
from pictures, toys and even games or activities in order to memorise
those information
Change the determiner
that information
show examples
 efficiently.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a group of students might think sitting in class to study is quite passive. Going to the museum allows them to view in person the related objects
such
Linking Words
 as paintings, handwriting notes or sculptures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people suppose that the main purpose of a museum is for education, it must be used in teaching and learning academically. They tend to separate entertainment and education, and
as a result
Linking Words
, museums should be more formal.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to pay respect to others who require a quiet and serious atmosphere to enhance the learning quality.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it seems to me that museums should be both entertaining and academic depending on the group of people in order to attract more visitors.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: