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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
#percentage #people #five #portions #fruit #vegetables #uk
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The chart illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people in
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percentage
Add an article
the percentage
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 who consumed five servings of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 per day in eight consecutive
years
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 beginning from 2001. People are divided into three
groups
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: men, women and children.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of people who ate five portions of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 had increased with just a slight decline in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two
years
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. Women in all the
years
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 were the biggest group of all. But the difference between
groups
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 had become insignificant in the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
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. The
percentage
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 of women who ate
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 started at over 20% in 2001 and was increasing gradually till reaching a peak of nearly 35% in 2006. But
then
Linking Words
 it started to slowly
going
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go
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 down to nearly 30% in the
last
Linking Words
 year. In terms of men and children, the
percentage
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 stood relatively still for the first three
years
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 with about 17% and 12%
respectfully
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respectively
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the proportion started to climb gradually to reach the highest point for both
groups
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 in 2007 with about 27% for men and 25% for children. In the
last
Linking Words
year
Add a comma
,year
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 the
consuming
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consumption
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 of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 decreased slightly and both
groups
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 lost several
percent
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per cent
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.
Submitted by p.zhukova89 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, fruits, vegetables, years, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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