In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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At present, it has been said that the relationship between individual accomplishment and equal rights is developing day by day. Certain people believe that a
person
Use synonyms
can reach the peak of success
while
Linking Words
living in identical communities.
On the other hand
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, another group of people convey that one can gain whatever he wants from his career only when he does not have any boundaries for being passed or unsuccessful owing to his personal strength. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will explain both sides with proper explanations.
To begin
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with, equal realm refers to a community where all the people get the same facilities from that realm.
Moreover
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, the laws
enforce
Wrong verb form
are enforced
show examples
equally among the public. So, it does not matter if the convicted
person
Use synonyms
is rich or poor, he will receive the exact punishment. For
this
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, whenever a
person
Use synonyms
will think
Wrong verb form
thinks
show examples
to do
Change preposition
of doing
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something illegal, deep in his mind he will be scared because of the regulations.
As a result
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, there will be less crime in the region.
For example
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, in an identical place, an individual does not have to worry about the environment, he can only focus on achievement without worrying about other aspects of life.
Hence
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, after completing graduation he will get a decent job
according to
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his merit as there is no corruption in the corporate field because of the same priority. Alternatively, others hold the opinion that a
person
Use synonyms
can be successful in a free country where he has the autonomy to do things the way he wants.
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Whereas he
Correct word choice
He
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
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concerned if he is not able to score on the test, he
can
Verb problem
will
show examples
not get a good job. In
this
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case, if the
person
Use synonyms
has money and power, he not only gets the score but
also
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secures the perfect employment for him.
For instance
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, I have seen one of my friends doing a job in a high position in a pharmaceutical company after graduating. He was not better than on study and on top of ,that he always copied me. I had to struggle a lot
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
activities as I did not know anyone from the field. The reason why he got it
due to
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his dad, who was a production manager of that company.
To sum up
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, from my perspective, I believe each side has a positive and an adverse effect on society.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should ensure strict regulations and laws in the country.
Therefore
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, the public must follow the rules provided by the authority.

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coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure needs improvement to ensure a clear flow of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be strengthened for better coherence. The main points are supported to some extent but require more detailed and relevant examples.
task response
The essay partially responds to the task by discussing both sides of the argument. However, the response is not fully complete and comprehensive, and the examples provided are not entirely relevant to the discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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