IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

#countries #world #people #parents’ #home #school #friends #development #answers
Nowadays, adolescents start to live by themselves right after they graduate from school. They
move
 out and either live on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
private property or
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 a place with their friends.
This
 is a negative trend because most high school graduates will not get a proper job which may
also
 cause them to have inadequate money to pay for housing fees. In recent times, many youngsters
move
 out from their
parents
' place right after they finish school.
This
 has become a mainstream thing all around the world, especially in western countries. Moving out from
parents'
Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
show examples
 house actually can teach younger generations how to be responsible yet
also
independent
Add an article
an independent
show examples
 person.
However
, it would be very challenging for them to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 own household
while
 they are just introduced to adulthood. If they stay in their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 house, they do not need to worry about the household, as their
parents
 will be responsible for it. For most
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 graduates, finding a
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
 job that can cover all their expenses will be quite tough as most of them will only receive minimum wage.
Thus
, many teenagers undergo financial struggles and housing rental fees would just be an unnecessary additional expense. If they are able to stay in their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 place for free, why bother moving out? I live in an Asian household and in our culture, it is very uncommon to
move
 out at a young age. Most Asian
parents
 would ask their children to stay as long as they want to help them save money.
To conclude
,
although
 teenagers can learn how to be independent and responsible by living on their own, moving out may
also
 cause financial difficulties.
Thus
, everyone should start to reconsider their decision to
move
 out before it is too late.
Submitted by emailgadungan28 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!