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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table compares the proportion of labourers hired over a decade from the year 1989 in six different industries across Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be observed that manufacturing accounted for the highest
employment
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 in 1989
while
Linking Words
 the highest employed sector was Health care in 2009. Tourism remains the
lowest employed
Add a hyphen
lowest-employed
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 industry for the given time period. In the year 1989, the highest
employment
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 was seen in manufacturing and retail with 15% and 12% respectively. Meanwhile, health care constituted around 10% of the workforce. Construction and Education showed close to 8% of the employees. By 2009, there is a significant decline in the ratio of
employment
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 in manufacturing. Even though there is a slight decrease, retail
also
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 remains one of the highest employed industries with close to 10% workforce.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the remaining sectors observed an increase in
employment
Use synonyms
 of around 2% .

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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