IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In same cities, governments have tried to reduce traffic. For instance, they impose tax during rush hour. Do you think this development is positive or negative?

#cities #governments #traffic #tax #rush #hour #development
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I have a Bachelor of
Law
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 and I received my Master’s degree in International
Law
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.
However
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, my
research
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 background and interests are focused on the
law
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 of technology. My master’s
thesis
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 was an interdisciplinary study as well, mainly involving International Humanitarian
Law
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, AI and Robotics. Particularly human_algorithms interaction on the battlefield from the perspective of International Humanitarian
Law
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. It was in 2020 when doing
research
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 to write my
thesis
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, led me to know about “
KAIST
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” for the first time, by reading the “Boycott of
KAIST
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, 2018” open letter on the internet.
Although
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 I didn’t mention the letter in my
thesis
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 (because of the clear and direct answer of the president of the
KAIST
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, which eliminated all the concerns regarding the development of autonomous weapons systems in
this
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university
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 and cancelled the boycott), the great influence of the professors in
this
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university
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 and their ability to attract the attention of
this
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 wide community of scientists from east to the west of the world who signed the letter, impressed me deeply so I started to explore the
KAIST
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 in search of any
law
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 department to join! Surprisingly I found many
law
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 programs offered by the
university
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 but all were on Intellectual property not the
law
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 of technology,
,
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apply
show examples
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nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 I hopefully noticed the graduate school of
STP
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 and I found it perfectly matches my
research
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 interests. After consulting with one of my
thesis
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 advisors Prof.Hadi Moradi who had been teaching at Sungkyunkwan
University
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 for several years, I decided to try my chance to pursue a PhD in
STP
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.
Thereafter
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, I gathered more information about Korea,
KAIST
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 and
STP
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 and I frequently checked the department website, its Twitter, Instagram and YouTube channel
as well as
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 the “behind of the science” magazine. I
also
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 joined an online meeting with the student ambassador MS. Monika Didziulyte from
STP
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 in SEP.2022 and that was really helpful. By considering all
this
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 information, I promptly found your
research
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 area very close to my interest (I actually got some help from a Korean friend with translating some of your publications and a video about the
STP
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 graduate program on YouTube), but I was waiting for the announcement of GKS and
also
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 my IELTS exam result to contact you. I appreciate you letting me know, with regard to my
research
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 interest (legal aspects of human_AI interaction especially in the field of international humanitarian
law
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) if I have any chance to pursue my PhD under your kind supervision at
STP
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, So I can apply through the GKS program.
Submitted by sp.piryaei on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • imposition
  • rush-hour tax
  • road congestion
  • sustainable urban environment
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • disproportionately affect
  • flexible work hours
  • alternative transportation options
  • displacing the traffic problem
  • effectiveness
  • psychological
  • societal impacts
  • cultural attitudes
  • commuting
  • remote work
  • staggered work hours
  • quality of life
  • commute times
  • work-life balance
  • unintended consequences
  • isolation
  • collaboration
  • team dynamics
  • urban mobility
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