IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The image
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
transformations
Correct article usage
the transformations
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 of West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 in the 60 years since 1950 when it was altered. Located beside the main road, the
size
Use synonyms
 of the
school
Use synonyms
's main building has remained
while
Linking Words
 the surroundings show a lot of changes during the period.
To begin
Linking Words
 in 1950, there were three residences next to the campus on the east side. In the south of houses and
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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, there is
Correct article usage
a rectangle
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rectangle
Replace the word
rectangular
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grass
Change preposition
of grass
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 farmland and
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
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 playground
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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similar
size
Use synonyms
. After 30 years, the
education
Replace the word
educational
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 institution expands its
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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. The houses next to the
school
Use synonyms
 became the science block and car park.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, the farmland function changed into a sports field. There is no transformation on the main building and playground. Ending in 2010, the car park
size
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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extended three times
than
Change preposition
apply
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before.
This
Linking Words
 massive development caused the
size
Use synonyms
 of the sports field and playground to become smaller,
while
Linking Words
 the block building of science and
school
Use synonyms
 did not change.
Submitted by fikriyatulfalashifah01 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, size with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Initial construction
  • Early changes
  • Key elements
  • Main building
  • Playground
  • Residential houses
  • Car park
  • Science block
  • Growing student numbers
  • Evolving educational needs
  • Major transformations
  • Significant transformations
  • Expanded
  • Sports field
  • Increased focus
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Overall changes
  • Layouts
  • Evolved
  • Complex
  • Facility-rich campus
  • Broader changes
  • Urban development
  • Modern educational requirements
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