IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart illustrates a
rate
Use synonyms
 comparison between males and females in terms of habitual physical activity in Australia divided by
age
Use synonyms
 section. At a glance, females from almost all groups score a higher percentage than males.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the gaps between those two usually are in distance for the majority of
categories
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 significantly lower scores in just about all
categories
Use synonyms
 of male groups. On the male side of the graph, the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 24 is the point where male
categories
Use synonyms
 reached their peak with the
rate
Use synonyms
 of 52,8% and beat the percentage of the female
group
Use synonyms
. To add things much
further
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over, come in second place with a quantitative score of 47% which is nearly identical to the female
group
Use synonyms
 in the same
age
Use synonyms
 span since it scores a figure of 46% .
However
Linking Words
, the rest of the male
categories
Use synonyms
 score a lower slice than the female
categories
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the female kind dominates in about all sections except in the
age
Use synonyms
 section of 15 to 24.
Additionally
Linking Words
, It hits its peak in the
age
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 with a number of 53,3%. Even like that, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 24 scores the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 among all groups and gets exceeded by the male category with a
rate
Use synonyms
 of 47%.
Submitted by regina.christella7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, age, categories, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: