The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie chart gives information about the percentage of network transactions for the retail areas in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Overall

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, the biggest amount of online sales in 2003 are about travel and in 2013 most people preferred music and film.

To begin

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with, in 2003 most users choose to buy things from the travel district, about 36%. The second sector that was common for buyers was clothes, nearly 24%, and less than 3% was entertainment zone with 21%.

According to

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the data the

last

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one, with least percentage had the book part, with only 19%. In 2013, the highest percentages of sales were in movies and songs zone, approximately 33%

Remove the comma

apply

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and less than 4% was tourism services consisting of 29%.

After

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this

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, the books zone made up about 22%, which rose to 3% from 2003 when it was 19%.

In addition

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, the

last

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region was clothing with just 16%, less than it was in 2003.

Submitted by miss.garlic2021 on Fri Feb 17 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

158 words

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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

The advent of the internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?