IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that finding a job satisfaction is considered the most important thing for the young generation nowadays. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

#people #job #satisfaction #generation
Some
individuals
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
discover
Wrong verb form
discovering
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 is vital for teenagers nowadays. I agree with
this
 statement because
individuals
 are more creative
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing what they
love
 and they are going to expend the next thirty- years of their
lives
 in that field. On the one hand,
people
 who dedicated their
lives
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what they
love
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be more creative and
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
.
Firstly
, many of these
individuals
 spend so much
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing what they
love
 that they became addicted to their
job
 without notice, so they become masters
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field.
Secondly
, it seems that humans have
innovated
Replace the word
innovative
show examples
 ideas when they work on something they feel interested in than when
people
 work feeling an obligation.
For instance
, the University of Fullerton made
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research that explains that graduates who searched
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
degree on what they like were
successful
Change the adjective
successfully
show examples
withing
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 a period of five years.
On the other hand
,
individuals
 need to search
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
 they like because they are going to spend the next
thirty-years
Correct your spelling
thirty years
show examples
 of their
lives
 on
this
 degree. More importantly, working should not be
consider
Change the form of the verb
considered
show examples
 something boring or undesirable because
people
 usually spend eight hours every day doing the same
job
, so they might get sick sooner doing what they do not like. To explain
further
, the University of Colorado reveals
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research that explains the story of four students who were attending college subjects in 1987, and
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 working on creating a website
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
, they decided to drop out
college
Change preposition
of college
show examples
 and dedicated their
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 something they
love
. After three years, they came out with a software called:
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
, and they became affluent
people
.
To conclude
,
job
 satisfaction must be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most important aspect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
's
lives
 because they are going to dedicate a lot of
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
, so in order to become a successful person,
individuals
 need to do what they feel interested in. I strongly believe
job
 satisfaction is crucial to decide a degree.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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