The charts show survey results concerning why MBA graduates did their degree and employers’ reasons for hiring them

The charts show survey results concerning why MBA graduates did their degree and employers’ reasons for hiring them
The pie charts below illustrate the reasons why graduates decided to do
MBA
and the criteria by which
employers
choose employees.
Overall
, it is obvious that one of the main reasons for most of the students deciding to do the
MBA
was better job opportunities.
However
,
it is clear that
several qualities taken together are the reasons why
employers
choose certain candidates.
To begin
with, considerably more than half of the students 65% chose to do the
MBA
for better career opportunities.
In contrast
, only 8 per cent did it for helping other people. Another important reason why students studied for
MBA
was to improve their performance at work, 15% and for personal development ,12%.
However
,
employers
,
on the other hand
, seem to value many personal skills taken together. In fact,qualifications are valued the least ,only 10% of
employers
take qualification into consideration ,
while
previous experiences and personalities are valued the most at 25 % Another valued skill for job candidates to have is previous experience with connections at 20% and
also
a personal appearance at 20%.
Submitted by  Niamh Gal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mba, employers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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