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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts show survey results concerning why MBA graduates did their degree and employers’ reasons for hiring them

The charts show survey results concerning why MBA graduates did their degree and employers’ reasons for hiring them
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The pie charts below illustrate the reasons why graduates decided to do
MBA
Use synonyms
 and the criteria by which
employers
Use synonyms
 choose employees.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that one of the main reasons for most of the students deciding to do the
MBA
Use synonyms
 was better job opportunities.
However
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 several qualities taken together are the reasons why
employers
Use synonyms
 choose certain candidates.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, considerably more than half of the students 65% chose to do the
MBA
Use synonyms
 for better career opportunities.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 8 per cent did it for helping other people. Another important reason why students studied for
MBA
Use synonyms
 was to improve their performance at work, 15% and for personal development ,12%.
However
Linking Words
,
employers
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, seem to value many personal skills taken together. In fact,qualifications are valued the least ,only 10% of
employers
Use synonyms
 take qualification into consideration ,
while
Linking Words
 previous experiences and personalities are valued the most at 25 % Another valued skill for job candidates to have is previous experience with connections at 20% and
also
Linking Words
 a personal appearance at 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mba, employers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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