Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation

Working for long hours leaves less time for entertaining activities.

this

essay will discuss two aspects in the following content.

Firstly

, working long hours has some benefits. If

people

work extra

then

money income more ,so they can easily buy a new home and facilities.

addition

Add a comma

,addition

show examples

going overseas for holidays is easy for

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Add the comma(s)

, for instance,

show examples

for instance

many employees who work long hours take good wages and can experience a comfortable life .

Secondly

people

who work a lot have no time to spend with their family so , they don't take responsibility for their emotional partners and children like school programs and children's activities.

in addition

, busy employees pay attention less to their health because they spend huge time in their office

while

suffer

Change the verb form

suffering

show examples

lots of

pressures

Fix the agreement mistake

pressure

show examples

thus

probably in the future these successful

people

will face different serious

sickness

Fix the agreement mistake

sicknesses

show examples

For instance

, nowadays

people

devote themselves to their job to provide facilities for their own family

while

the satisfaction of life has decreased

as well as

divorce and mental issues

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

risen in recent years.

To sum up

, I believe working too hard has more disadvantages

instead

of benefits to it.

Submitted by mohammad.jeddinia on Mon Feb 20 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

190 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-life balance
mental well-being
burnout
stress relief
productivity
economic growth
career progression
skill enhancement
quality time
financial security
leisure activities
physical health
personal relationships
stress-related illnesses

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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities. Others say that it depends on other factors. What is your opinion?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s life To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that people in senior positions alone should make decisions in a business, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.