Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Working for long hours leaves less time for entertaining activities.
this
essay will discuss two aspects in the following content.
Firstly
, working long hours has some benefits. If
people
work extra
then
money income more ,so they can easily buy a new home and facilities.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
going overseas for holidays is easy for
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
many employees who work long hours take good wages and can experience a comfortable life .
Secondly
,
people
who work a lot have no time to spend with their family so , they don't take responsibility for their emotional partners and children like school programs and children's activities.
in addition
, busy employees pay attention less to their health because they spend huge time in their office
while
suffer
Change the verb form
suffering
show examples
lots of
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
,
thus
probably in the future these successful
people
will face different serious
sickness
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
show examples
.
For instance
, nowadays
people
devote themselves to their job to provide facilities for their own family
while
the satisfaction of life has decreased
as well as
divorce and mental issues
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
risen in recent years.
To sum up
, I believe working too hard has more disadvantages
instead
of benefits to it.
Submitted by mohammad.jeddinia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: