IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided diagrams illustrate the public
park
Use synonyms
 named Grange
park
Use synonyms
 as it was in 1920 and its present view.
Overall
Linking Words
, many elements in 1920 have
replaced
Add a missing verb
been replaced
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the current view.
Besides
Linking Words
, new elements have
introduced
Add a missing verb
been introduced
show examples
 to facilitate users. The
water
Use synonyms
 fountain which was in the centre of the
park
Use synonyms
 replaced with a rose
garden
Use synonyms
 and 4 seating areas.
However
Linking Words
, the bottom left rose
garden
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 demolished in the current plan.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
upper-right
Add an article
an upper-right
the upper-right
show examples
 rose
garden
Use synonyms
 which was situated near the entrance
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Arnold Avenue
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 replaced with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cafe to provide coffee or snacks. The current plan consists of
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 outdoor theatre which used to be
stage
Add an article
the stage
a stage
show examples
 for musicians back in 1920. Another significant change is the new
water
Use synonyms
 feature in
bottom
Add an article
the bottom
show examples
 right corner, which was the replacement of the glass house. In 1920 there was a pond for
water
Use synonyms
 plants and it has transformed into a play area.
In addition
Linking Words
, a brand new underground car
park
Use synonyms
 has
introduced
Add a missing verb
been introduced
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Elders street side, next to the
water
Use synonyms
 feature.
Finally
Linking Words
, the two entrances and
upper-left
Correct article usage
the upper-left
show examples
 corner rose
garden
Use synonyms
 remained the same.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words park, water, garden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: