IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#drinks #people #sugar
Nowadays , in the period of development , many people have bad eating habits which include absorbing too much sugar .
While
 some opinions suggest that sugary items ought to be encouraged with
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
, from my point of view , it is both a productive solution that could give advantages to
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
show examples
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
as well as
 a negative faces The first and fundamental reason why
merchant
Add an article
a merchant
show examples
 shouldn’t sell healthy products more expensive
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 resident
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as a routine , it is quite similar to sleeping and
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in daily life . Despite the fact that people who have remarkable drawbacks of financial aspects , getting usually features isn’t as possible as others that have a better affordable condition . And when one
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 more money for owning
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
sugary
 things , cutting
of
Change preposition
off
show examples
 different requirements in consuming habits is really easy to
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
,
this
 will result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many dangerous health issues if user
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
indentify
Correct your spelling
identify
 early . In normal life , it isn’t rare to find out
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
relating to using extremely and paying more money for things
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
contain
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
 less sugar . These tendencies have caused
lacks
Fix the agreement mistake
lack
show examples
 of
nutrient
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrients
show examples
as well as
 being not strong enough to
Add a missing verb
be active
show examples
active
Replace the word
act
show examples
 during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day . On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the cititzen
show examples
cititzen
Correct your spelling
citizen
citizens
 couldn’t agree more that the significant importance of
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 for anybody in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 by benefit ways bring positively to
user
Add an article
the user
a user
show examples
 , especially now , there have been many proofs about
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who have fat in
warned
Add an article
the warned
show examples
 state . So
manufactor
Correct your spelling
manufacturer
 sells with
dramatic
Add an article
the dramatic
show examples
 price is acceptable .
Moreover
 , defending carefully diseases
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be attacked
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health is always the best preparation for people before getting older . Health has always played an extreme role in life expectancy and nutrients , including sugar which is good for healthy habits
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
 a part of that . So production with higher cost carries both faces pessimistic and optimistic
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: