In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success

Nowadays,

people

's interest in the

relationship

between

equality

and personal

goals

has been rising. Some

people

have an opinion that

wider

Correct article usage

a wider

show examples

society can get more if

people

have equal status,

while

others believe that high achievement can be achieved if

people

have

Correct article usage

the rights

show examples

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to either succeed or to fail depending on their individual benefits. I agree with the second opinion that

equality

has no

relationship

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

personal attainment, which will be explained in the following essay.

To begin

with, some

people

believe that bringing fairness to

wider

Correct article usage

a wider

show examples

society will positively impact both

people

and the

country

's social welfare. Having

equality

among

people

means that every person has the same salary, and it means they have to pay the same amount of taxes to the

country

Therefore

, if the

people

are equal in paying taxes, the government might be more effective in controlling the citizens

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and putting the taxes to build better infrastructure equally for the

people

As a result

, each individual may achieve a higher quality of life, because the

country

provides better facilities for them.

On the other hand

, most

people

and I believe that

equality

has no

relationship

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

personal

goals

. First of all, every individual has different purposes in their life. Some

people

have a goal to gain a lot of money,

while

others have simple

goals

like building a great family. If

equality

is going to be applied to every human walk of life, there will be

Remove the article

apply

show examples

chaos in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, because every person will demand their rights to achieve their own

goals

. Second of all, individuals have different necessities to live. There are

people

who have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

little needs, but some have many.

For example

, the necessities of

people

in rural

areas

are different

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

the needs of

people

in urban

areas

People

who work in urban

areas

are deserve

Change the verb form

deserve

show examples

to get higher wages than

Correct pronoun usage

those in

show examples

rural

areas

because their expenses are higher.

Thus

, bringing

equality

to every human endeavour could not work. In conclusion, many

people

said that

equality

can positively impact a

country

's social welfare,

while

most

people

and I believe that there is no

relationship

between

equality

and success

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because every

people

have different purposes and necessities.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Feb 22 2023

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

366 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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