In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #women #workforce #children

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In these modern eras, more and more

women

have been involved in employment opportunities, and they have contributed significant amounts of profits to

society

while

their

children

were in their young ages. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the pros and cons of

this

culture and how it impacts

society

To begin

with, there are more

women

who

participated

Wrong verb form

participate

show examples

in the workforce

while

their

children

are young. The culture of having more

women

at the working class level have given female the opportunities to empower their life.

Consequently

women

have more power and dominance in

society

as well as

in the family. In the olden

day

Fix the agreement mistake

days

show examples

, men

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

the only

breadwinner

Fix the agreement mistake

breadwinners

show examples

for the family, but in

this

,generations we can see that now

women

have the right to work and are

also

able to support their families. These become more beneficial for the family and

women

's rights.

On the other hand

, people do say that the downside of

women

participating in the workforce does impact their child's health and well-being.

While

Correct word choice

Children

show examples

children

in the young stage of their life do not have opportunities and chances to build attachment and connection with their family ,especially their mother figure, which will make the child

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

attachment issues. For

instants

Replace the word

instance

show examples

, a child who lacks security could impact their development and could not bounce back when adversity happens in their life.

This

will contribute to

further

social and family issues.

To sum up

, having a mother in the workforce will bring negative and positive to the family and

society

, but if there is a balance of support in place.

This

will be beneficial to the whole of

society

While

children

and mother can earn their trust and thrive along their way within

society

Submitted by SugerMei on Thu Feb 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay contains some relevant ideas but lacks clarity and coherence. The main points should be clearly supported with relevant examples.

task response

The essay attempts to address the task but does not provide a clear and comprehensive response. The ideas need to be more focused and better developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

workforce
economic benefits
standard of living
professional growth
career progression
social network
emotional support
role modeling
work-life balance
childcare costs
external childcare
additional income
emotional development
career opportunities
part-time roles
less demanding positions
juggling responsibilities
family environment
job satisfaction
financial security

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In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, working from home has become common in many companies due to technological advancements that allow employees to work from virtually any location.

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?