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Nowadays both men and women spend much money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

#men #women #money #beauty #care #was #root #behaviour #results
In modern-day males and females spend
large
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a large
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amount
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amounts
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 of money on improving their appearance which has not been popular in the
last
 decades. In
this
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will reveal the primary cause of these actions in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, people need to be good looking particularly
women
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at women
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 more than in the past, cause of
this
 phenomenon
is
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apply
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people in the modern day, pay more attention to appearance because they turn to spend their daily life outside as socialisation
such
 as working, eating, shopping and exercising which lead to visaged judgement.
For example
, most
of
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apply
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celebrities
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the celebrities
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 when they appear in public areas, they need to be good-looking because many
ones
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apply
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always keep
and
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an
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eyes
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eye
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 on them
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, therefore,
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therefore
 stay
beauty
are
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is
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 essential for them.
Moreover
, 
beauty
caring
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care
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 is
relaxing
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a relaxing
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 time because
peole
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people
are keep
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are kept
are keeping
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distance
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their distance
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 from their work or their daily routines.
For example
, a lot of women spend their leisure time
for
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on
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 spa
treatment
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treatments
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 which
are
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apply
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provide not only
beauty
 fields but
also
 relaxing time. various businesses provide convenient services related to
beauty
 care which gain more convenient for both men
and
Correct word choice
apply
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women
such
 as hair salons, treatments, and makeups. And these products are inexpensive because competition of
businesses
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between businesses
show examples
 which
lead
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leads
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 to various promotions. In the future,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 number of
business
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businesses
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 related to
Beauty
prone
Add a missing verb
is prone
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 to
increasing
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increase
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. In conclusion,
beauty
 become influential in
this
 era, individual spend their money on
beauty
 care because people pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 socialisation and
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 can provide relaxation which can keep distance from stressful
working
Replace the word
work
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.
Submitted by Soi_nat on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media influence
  • idealized beauty standards
  • disposable income
  • economic prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • beauty products and services
  • cultural shifts
  • social contexts
  • personal health and wellness
  • self-care routines
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