IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
There are those who argue that
children
 who are home-schooled
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best method of teaching. Meanwhile, some people give the opinion that going to
school
 is way more important for a child’s development.
To begin
, home-schooled
children
 can benefit from
this
 kind of learning method as these students can be more advanced with the type of lessons they are going to study for because there is a one-on-one interaction between the student and the pupil.
As a result
, they acquire more learning and knowledge.
In contrast
, their interrelationship aspect can radically deteriorate
due to
 the fact that they
are not expose
Change the verb form
are not exposed
show examples
 to other people aside from their teacher. In the future, they might develop social anxiety when encountering
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new faces and can experience culture shock upon going out in the real world.
On the other hand
, those
children
 who are physically going to
school
 can be active in
such
 various aspects as, physical, social, and emotional.
For instance
, they can participate in sports activities, join social clubs and engage in
school
 competition programs.
Therefore
, they get to develop a character of being diverse and be able to explore
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of their personality and at the same time, it opens the opportunity to hone their talents and skills.
To conclude
, home-schooled
children
 can benefit to learn and be more advanced when it comes to academics.
Whereas
, those who are attending classes
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
school
 can be trained and taught not solely
books
Change preposition
by books
show examples
 but
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other areas as well.
Therefore
, in my opinion, the method of scholars going to
school
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 much more of
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 edge
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to those who are developed at home.
Submitted by kmaegalilee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: