IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

SOME PEOPLE FEEL THAT ENTERTAINERS ARE PAID TOO MUCH DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH OTHER TYPES OF JOB SHOULD BE HIGHLY PAID

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There are some who believe that entertainers are getting paid too much money in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to their job. I think other jobs in the area of
education
Use synonyms
 or health should be better paid.
Firstly
Linking Words
, entertainers are not doing anything for the community. They are not putting their life at risk.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, doctors or nurses who are in direct contact with pandemics,
such
Linking Words
 as Covid 19 where many of them left their
life
Replace the word
lives
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 to take care of
people
Use synonyms
 that they did not know.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, entertainers just offer
distraction
Add an article
a distraction
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society keeping them out of real life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because sport is a huge
industry
Use synonyms
 where advertising
industry
Use synonyms
 and betting are involved and it involves a lot of money, they are getting incredible salaries that exceed the normal wages.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, soccer matches not only involve the price of the entry but
also
Linking Words
 involve advertising and because millions of
people
Use synonyms
 are watching
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of events big companies are putting big budgets
on
Change preposition
into
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this
Linking Words
 to reach as many customers as they can.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another big
industry
Use synonyms
 that
soccerinvolve
Correct your spelling
soccer involve
soccer involves
 is betting.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, in every pub in
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
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 there are screens and machines to bet on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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games.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, I think that jobs that involve
education
Use synonyms
 or health should be the best paid in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because those kinds of jobs help society to grow.
education
Use synonyms
 in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sectors
as well as
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 working in the health system.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, doctors who are living to care for others and saving many lives should be the highest paid in the world.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 money is still involved in the entertainment
industry
Use synonyms
, it will be really well paid.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are working really hard for the
education
Use synonyms
 of the country and taking care of the population
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will still earn basic salaries.

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